Pink Sheep of the Family: celebrities

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Sean Connery the Customer Service Rep

PinkPartner called the cable company today to complain about our crappy internet service. (I'm typing fast... before the internet goes out again...)

The guy who answered the phone answered the phone while doing a Sean Connery impression!!!

He spoke that way THE ENTIRE TIME!!! Never breaking character. (Assuming that is, that he really was just putting on a character. Or does Mister Bond now answer phones at Suddenlink?)

So weird, yet so funny at the same time!

===== OMG! UPDATE! ====

I received the below email from Pete at Suddenlink HQ:

I’m with Suddenlink. Saw your recent post: http://www.pinksheepofthefamily.com/2010/04/sean-connery-customer-service-rep.html. I agree: That situation is very odd and I really hope this particular customer service rep was using his actual voice and not doing a Sean Connery imitation.

On a related note, you mentioned “crappy internet service.” Let me know if there’s something we can do from here to assist. I’m at Corp. HQ in St. Louis. I’d be happy to escalate your issues to the senior manager in your city...

I sent this response:

Thank you, Pete!

For the most part my blog is completely satire. So no need to take what I saw too seriously. However, the rep honestly did sound just like Sean Connery (but not in a joking, unprofessional manner. He may have actually been an older gentleman from Scotland who legitimately sounded like James Bond!)

In regards to the "crappy service." My partner and I just bundled our services to include phone service. We have been happy suddenlink internet users for several years. But since we made the change last month, our internet and phone service goes out approximately every 15 minutes and we have to unhook the cable and restart our router and modem to regain service for phone and internet. It has also decreased the quality of some of our television channels.

Thank you so much for your concern.

Suddenlink! We're connected!

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Things We Learned in 2009

It was Jon Gosselin the whole time! And we all thought Kate was just a b*tch.

Paula Abdul wasn't drunk. She was on the pain patch. One step forward, two steps back.

John McCain was just as embarrassed by Sarah Palin as the rest of us and blames her for losing him the election. You betcha!

Jay Leno at 11:30/10:30 central was cool. Leno at 10/9 central is unwatchable.

Ghost sex is not as hot as it sounds. Grey's Anatomy's story line in early 2009 with Izzie and Denny the Ghost jumped the shark so far that it landed on the other side of the ocean on dry ground.

Beating up your girlfriend is unforgivable, unless you're cute. Then we forgive you. We learned this when Chris Brown beat the crap out of Rihanna, and half the teens in America blamed Rihanna.

Michael Phelps is a pot-head. No wonder he eats so much!

Health care is for Communists and Nazis. Tea Parties are for rich white people who already have health insurance and want to see an original copy of Barack Hussein Obama's birth certificate.

Tiger Woods is really good at two things...and golf is the other one.

Carrie Underwood can wear anything.

Katy Perry thinks she can wear anything.

Lady GaGa will wear anything.

Michael Jackson was a mentally-ill drug addict hooked on general anesthesia, but he was still the greatest entertainer who ever lived.

B.J. Ritter blogs too much. Two years, over 1000 posts, and two spin off websites. I've decided to slooooow way down on my writing. Toward the end of 2009 I've quietly debated if I wanted to continue celebrity gossip, do more comedy, or pursue politics, blog about human rights, gay rights, or animal rights, or concentrate on spirituality.

At this time, I have decided to continue writing a weekly self-improvement post on my spiritual blog www.JoyfulShepherd.com and use Pink Sheep of the Family to update any random thoughts or stories that occur in my personal life with no particular focus or agenda.

Here's hoping 2010 is even more fabulous than 2009!

Much Love,
Beej

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Whitney Houston: Now With Less Crack!

All y'all people out there saying that Whitney Houston ruined her voice are smoking the crack she left behind. No doubt homegirl ruined her lungs with all that weed and rock cocaine. I heard her on Oprah wheezing like a hyena. But her voice is still there, only deeper.

Cut her some slack y'all. She's going through the change! It used to be the speedballs that made her sweat and now it's hotflashes. But I don't care! I love me some Whitney!!!

I love her more than Bobby Brown loves his pipe!

Here's Whitney's newest video from her comeback album I Look to You; the song is called Million Dollar Bill.

Enjoy the divaliciousness!

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Macaulay Culkin Is Michael Jackson's Baby-Daddy?!?!

Holy crapping crap! This is the craziest thing I've read all day!

Word in the blogosphere is that former adorable child-star turned slightly creepy grown-up star Macaulay Culkin may be the real father of Blanket, Michael Jackson's third child. A super-secret source close to the Jackson family told the British tabloid The Sun that Macaulay donated a dixie cup of swimmers to Jackson to make a baby.

My first response was "NO WAY! Not adorable little Kevin from Home Alone!" Then I was like, "Wait a minute, that dude is like almost thirty! He probably is that kid's dad because it sure ain't Michael."

Get Maury Povich on the phone! STAT! We've got another Jackson mystery to solve!

The Culkin Camp had this statement in response to the rumors, "Pssssshhhhhhhah! Seriously?"

Let's just hope Blanket doesn't turn out like this...

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Name that "Celebrity."

Can you name this adorable, clean-cut boy-next-door? No? I didn't think so.

Here's a hint: He loves Miley Cyrus, but hates the Jonas Brothers.

It's Miley Cyrus' older brother Trace Cyrus. Shocked? (I was.) He wants you to know he hates the Jonas Brothers. Big Brother Trace says that the Disney stars are all fakes.

When asked if he wants to punch out heart-breaker Nick Jonas for dumping his baby-sister, Trace said he wouldn't lay a hand on Nick but would definitely punch the other two in the face, just because!

Muuuhahahahahahahahaha. With an attitude like that Trace, you're gonna go far in this business! The public loves a bad-boy!

Mischa Barton is Beautiful

I feel like this article should be peppered with the word "allegedly" like every other word. Because what is Mischa Barton on?

She looks horrrrrrrible. Like hooked on meth-strung-out-for-days-will-do-anything-for-a-hit horrible!

But somehow she managed to find someone that will keep her on the payroll. This photo was snapped as she arrived on the set of her tv show The Beautiful Life.

Mischy, this song goes out to you.

I Just Fell in Love with Angelina Jolie

I am so stunned! Angelina Jolie's forehead moves! I had no idea. NONE. I assumed that thing was frozen solid. I thought it hadn't moved since the last time she spoke to John Voight.

Now that I know her marble forehead is au naturale, I am flabbergasted! I have officially jumped the Team Aniston ship and have finally taken a big gulp of the Brangelina kool-aid. (Until today I was still clinging on to the hope that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston would be reunited someday. Those dreams are no more.) Angelina is magical! Jennifer is a mere mortal!

Don't get me wrong! I love me some botox. It will take a shar pei and make it look like a yorkie! But, if Angie looks that perfect without a needle, she really is a mythical being. A unicorn fairy among trolls.

Dear, Angelina. I will never question your perfection again.

I wonder how much I can fetch for my Team Aniston t-shirt and embroidered pillow set on E-bay?

Take the Ears But Leave the Hair!!!!

Joe Jonas (a.k.a. "the cute one") made an appearance on the Teen Choice Awards (a.k.a. Nickelodeon's attempt to lure Miley Cyrus away from Disney) and he sat there calmly as notorious ear-nibbler Mike Tyson took a pair scissors to his sacred raven locks.

Doesn't Big Mike know that Jo-Jo's hair is what makes him the cute one!

Mike Tyson is truly, madly, deeply crazy ya'll. I wouldn't let him near me with a ten foot pole much less be inches away from my ears with a cutting instrument.

I aint gonna lie. Of all the ears to nibble on, Big Mike could do worse than Joey-boy's. So gotta give him props for good taste.

Who Dat? I Think It's Katy Perry

What the eff is Katy Perry smoking?

Here's the I Kissed A Girl and I Liked It singer walking throug the Miami International Airport peeking through a gigantic doughnut hole.

Why does her attempts to be wacky sometimes come off as annoying? But I love her anyway!

Have I ever told you my theory about the diva-wardrobe line of progression? It involves Katy Perry. It goes like this: Carrie Underwood can wear anything. Katy Perry thinks she can wear anything. And Lady Gaga does wear anything.

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Dear Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron...

Take note, bitches! This is how you do it.

Big Daddy Brad Pitt showed up at the German premiere of Inglourious Basterds looking hot enough to melt Angelina's wax forehead!

Sizzle, fo shizzle!

The graying in Brad's goatee is kicking my daddy-issues in to high gear! "Papa Can You Me?"

Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron can both sit on the shelf for awhile, because it's still Brad's world!

Meow!

Don't Make Me Drink the Robert Pattinson Kool-Aid

I hate jumping on bandwagons just for the sake of following the crowd. That's how I feel about Robert Pattinson. I don't feel compelled to find him attractive or talented simply because he sells a lot of movie tickets. But lately he is making it really hard for me to resist his charms.

I mean just check out this photo outtake from a recent US Weekly photoshoot. He's muy caliente! No?

I think it's because he's all wet... like he just stepped out of the shower, clothes and all. Raarrrrrr....

Yes! That HAS to be it. I'm just excited by the thought of a Robert Pattinson who bathes!

Just teasing, Robbie. I don't really believe those stinky rumors about you.

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Kim Kardashian Just Made Me Pee Myself

Kim Booty-Poppin' Kardashian is totally freaking me out in this picture!

KiKi had this to say about the photo,

"Since vampires are all the rage right now, Troy Jensen and I thought it would be cool to try out a more gothic, almost sinister look! "This look was inspired by Prada's fall 2009 runway show and it is so unlike anything I've ever done! And no, I didn't actually get rid of my eyebrows, haha. Troy used an eyebrow concealing wax to hide them! "Pretty creepy, right? I call this my 'Twilight' look! What do you think?"

Twilight? Is that what she thinks she looks like? Seriously? Because she looks like the zombie love-child of Cher and Marilyn Manson. It's beyond creepy. It's down-right terrifying.

Can someone get me a towel, please.

What's Wrong, Whitney?

Can someone tell me why Whitney Houston, who at one time was in fact the greatest singer in the history of the world, looks so sad on the the cover of her big comeback-post-crack-finally-divorced-Bobby-Brown album?

It better not be because the album sucks. Because I love me some Whitney. No jokes, I still break-out The Bodyguard and Preacher's Wife soundtracks every now and then when I want to get my diva on.

All I got to say is, if she wants the album to succeed, she should release this track as a dance mix.

I love you, Whitney. Welcome back. We've all missed you.

A Day Inside My Head

This Candies advert featuring America's favorite pop-tart Britney Spears is like a tour through the mind of B.J. Ritter. A fabulosity and pinkness explosion!

Welcome to my world. LOL.

Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds Baby Hunting?

Scarlett Johansson and her hot hunk of a husband Ryan Reynolds are planning on having a baby the old fashion way... they're buying it! (Known as "adoption" in some parts of the country.)

At least that's what they want to do... maybe... someday. They're still placing bids on a couple of different fetuses on ebay. If they loose those bids, they might use the "Buy Now" option on a Zambian orphan.

And you suckers said it wouldn't last! What says "I still love you despite the nay-sayers" like purchasing a kid together?

No stretch marks, no saggy boobs. But all the same paparazzi photo opts of pushing your child in the swing at the park!

I'm sorry. I'm being catty for no reason. (No reason other than I'm jealous that is.) Please forgive me. Actually, I think adoption is a beautiful and selfless act. And so does Mr. Reynolds!

He told the British Glamour,

"My oldest brother is adopted and I have every intention of adopting at some time. I’m very grateful for having my brother in my life. I couldn’t be more pro-adoption. There are plenty of kids in the world that need it."

*Sigh*

Remembering Heath Ledger

Vanity Fair feature some forgotten photos of the lost treasure known as Heath Ledger in their August issue. This is my favorite photo from the spread.

See the rest here.

Heaven Is a Little Bit Cleaner and a Little Bit Louder

An autopsy confirmed that beloved television pitchman Billy Mays passed away from pulmonary embolism. He had an enlarged heart.

Just one more tragedy after a week of utter sadness in pop-culture.

I am calling for an all points bulletin out for Betty White. She's as healthy as a horse and will probably out last most 60 year olds, but she must be protected at all costs!

Do you hear that, Sanjay Gupta, Dr. Drew, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil... basically anybody with the title doctor in front of your name. Drop what you are doing and run to Betty White's side and keep her with us! We cannot sustain another loss like we have experienced in recent days.