No! No! A Million Times No!

Possible captions for this pic of Mr. & Mrs. Pratt:

"Attention, America! We have come to rain on your parade."
"Uncle Sam is devaluing our fame!"
"The terrorists have won."
"I'm a celebrity. Pay attention to me!"
"The Hills are alive with the sounds of Liberty."

Al Roker is the Anti-Christ

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Did you see Al "Surely you were acting" Roker rake Speidi across the coals on The Today Show? If not... here it is.

The Rokester badgers Heidi and Spencer Pratt trying to get them to admit that their whiny, psycho, spoiled brat behavior was an act, because NO ONE could be that horrible in real life. But they insisted on telling him, they were in fact just that horrible in real life.

Big Al then went for the jugular, and asked if all their religiosity was for real or an act. Because logic says either you're a fake jerk and a real Christian or a real jerk and a fake Christian. Again, the insisted they insisted were real jerk-faced Christians.

Then they went to-and-fro telling of the meany-meanness of Al Roker.

How dare he call into question Spencer and Heidi's Christianity!!! Hasn't he heard about the bona fide miracle that was performed at the hands of Saint Spencer? The one where he prayed, "God, if you're real, I want to hang out with Miley Cyrus" and it came to pass!

Furthermore, how could Al call their religion into question on the eve of Heidi's appearance in Playboy magazine? Where she will use what God gave her to spread joy and love to millions of God's children.

To quote Full House's Michelle Tanner, "How wude."

The Real Stars of "I'm a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here!": Sanjaya and Jesus

Holy crap, y'all. And I do mean "Holy." Have you seen NBC's reality show, I'm a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here?

It is beyond crazy! It's a bunch of Z-list celebs thrown into the actual jungle and forced to live all Survivor style for the sake of charity. Some of these folks, I'm sure ARE the charity. They need to eat too! Light bill due, gas bill too.

American Idol alum Sanjaya Malakar reveals what a total freak he really is. Before the show began he shaved his long flowing locks into a crazy mohawk. And he proves he can basically tune out the world and not be phased by any creepy crawly climbing on his face.

Then add to the mix of crazy, Stephen Balwin and his vampire eyes who is constantly spouting scripture with Heidi Montag-Pratt. The whole thing starts to turn a little weird.

I'm a big Jesus fan - huge fan actually. But even I was uncomfortable when Stephen suggested Spencer get water baptized. Awwwwkwaaaard. Spencer is all "I'm evil, I'm a villain, I love money and hate charity... but I love Jesus!"

Weird. Just weird. But maybe if we all pray, Spencer's heart really will be touched and he and Heidi can be the new Brangelina. Messengers of God sent to redeem the world one orphan at a time. It seems they'll have plenty of time to save the world, because they've officially quit the show after just two days in the jungle. Apparently they were "too rich and too famous" to stay in those conditions.

Who knows? Just watch the video. It's Brother Baldwin baptizing Spencer Pratt in water with Sanjaya reading verses from the Holy Bible. (Contains additional scenes than what aired on TV.)

Love is in the Air: Speidi Edition

Newly married couple Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt celebrate their honeymoon in Mexico, land of gang uprisings and swine flu. Sounds so romantic!

Aren't they just glowing?

Heidi Montag Commits Blasphemy

International superstar and egomaniac Heidi Montag attended Svedka Vodka's Hollywood, DC: Lights! Camera! Election! event in Hollywood this week.

She was immortalized in a spoof of Barack Obama's Hope poster. There are so many things wrong with the above and below picture that inspired the poster that I am at a loss for words.

We need to pray for Miss Montag's soul. Oprah may smite her dead in a moment of divine retaliation for mocking the chosen one she sent.

What's Wrong with this Picture? Spencer and Heidi: Charity Edition

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag volunteered at a soup kitchen this week and turned the opportunity to help the under privileged into an opportunity to ham it up for the cameras.

How does this picture make you feel? Does it make you hate Spenc and Heidi less or more?

P.S. Can you imagine finding one of those long blond polyester hairs in your gravy?! *Gag!*

It's a Speidi Nation

Heidi and Spencer from The Hills invaded the nation's capital last week and refused to leave.

They have pimped themselves from one end of beltway to another.

What brought them to D.C.? You may ask.
George W. Bush, that's what.

Yes, G.Dub invited Speidi to the White House Correspondence's Associates Dinner.

Who else did G.Dub extend an invite to this shindig? Only the creme de la creme of Hollywood and the District of Columbia.

Such A-listers like American Idol castoff Michael Johns (who is Australian, mind you), basic cable host Joel McHale, clothes-swapping couple Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, and former Playboy centerfold turned vegetable activist Pamela Anderson.

What the heck? Is G.Dub hitting the sauce again?

To quote Mister Bush during the evening's festivities, "Pamela Anderson and Mitt Romney in the same room? Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?"