Macaulay Culkin Is Michael Jackson's Baby-Daddy?!?!

Holy crapping crap! This is the craziest thing I've read all day!

Word in the blogosphere is that former adorable child-star turned slightly creepy grown-up star Macaulay Culkin may be the real father of Blanket, Michael Jackson's third child. A super-secret source close to the Jackson family told the British tabloid The Sun that Macaulay donated a dixie cup of swimmers to Jackson to make a baby.

My first response was "NO WAY! Not adorable little Kevin from Home Alone!" Then I was like, "Wait a minute, that dude is like almost thirty! He probably is that kid's dad because it sure ain't Michael."

Get Maury Povich on the phone! STAT! We've got another Jackson mystery to solve!

The Culkin Camp had this statement in response to the rumors, "Pssssshhhhhhhah! Seriously?"

Let's just hope Blanket doesn't turn out like this...

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Literal Version vs. Pop-Up Video: Michael Jackson Edition

Which is cooler? Funnier? More entertaining? Or just plain better? The literal version of a video or the pop-up version of the video?

The literal version is a retelling of the story to match exactly what's happening in the song. It notices wacky things that you've let slip by you all these years. The down side is it's not the original artist's voice singing. So the singing sucks by comparison, but some would say that it adds to its quirky charm.


The pop-up version of a video is the actual video only with bits of trivia tossed in. Behind the scenes knowledge you would have never known other wise. Like who was sleeping with whom, how long it took to get a particular shot, and how much the whole thing cost.

I love pop-up so much, I think they should make pop-up everything. (Not just music videos and movies, but EVERYTHING!) I would totally watch pop-up Grey's Anatomy. Or pop-up Suze Orman Show. Even pop-up State of the Union Address.

In honor of the late King of Pop's 51st birthday and for your consideration, I have included Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal literal version and You Rock My World pop-up version.

Discuss.

Calling Inspector Gadget: Michael Jackson Homicide Edition

Get Inspector Gadget on the go-go-gadget phone! STAT! We've a got a mystery to solve.

The coroner report is in and MICHAEL JACKSON WAS MURDERED!!!

It seems that there was sooo much of the anesthesia propofol in his system that there was no way it was an accident. It had to be murder!

LaToya has been saying it all along. But no one has listened to her crazy self.

It's no secret that M.J. loved him some downers. So much so when the cops swept his home, they found all kinds of sedatives and several bottles of prescription sleep meds.

Just when you thought the media hubbub was dying down... NOW THIS BOMBSHELL!

Only Michael Jackson could continually reinvent himself even after his death and keep making headlines again and again. Long live the King of Pop!

We Had Him: Michael Jackson Edition

"Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.

Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.

In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure. Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.

Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.

He came to us from the Creator, trailing creativity in abundance. Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that. He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.

We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes, his hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us, and we laughed and stomped our feet for him.

We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given. Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square, in Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England we are missing Michael.

But we do know we had him, and we are the world."

-Dr. Maya Angelou
Poem in memorial of Michael Jackson
read at his funeral by Queen Latifa

I've Been Waiting for This News

The moment I heard Michael Jackson had died, my first thought was "Whatever happened to Bubbles the Chimp and how is he taking the news?" Now, we know.

The Silver Fox Anderson Cooper and his army of super sleuths managed to track down Bubbles and get a sound bite from the reclusive celebrity of days gone by.

Beyonce's "Heavenly" Tribute to Michael Jackson

At this weekend's BET Awards, Beyonce reminded the world of two things. 1. She can actually sing. 2. She is crazy.

Homegirl come out in a white unitard with white trench coat singing Ave Maria, and went into Sarah McLachlan’s Angel. During the medley change, two men dressed in gold from head to toe removed her coat and replaced it with a wedding dress/ angel wings thingy including veil. Then feathers/snow started falling from the sky.

It was awesome, I guess. Except Michael Jackson wasn't Catholic and neither is she! P.S. MJ just died, not married. The whole thing was a little bizarre... but beautiful. I guess, so was his entire life. So maybe it was the perfect tribute after all.

Michael Jackson Dies At Age 50

Let us remember Michael Jackson as he should be. Before the allegations, at the height of his success, when he was known as the King of Pop.

Unbelievable: His entire life, from start to finish.



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Michael Jackson and His Nose Make a Comeback

The self-proclaimed King of Pop Micheal Jackson is alive and well and ready for a comeback! He made the announcement this week in London. Mr. Jackson is pictured above at his big comeback coming out party in the UK wearing a ghetto wig and aviator sunglasses.

Apparently they aren't as freaked out by his freakiness across the pond as we are here.

MJ plans on setting up shop at the famed O2 Arena and doing 20 shows there beginning in July. Good luck with that, Mikey.

I guess this puts a stop to the rumors that he has a flesh eating staph infection in his face. He looks pretty healthy to me. I mean as healthy as a skeleton with silly putty stretched over it can look.

Now for no reason at all, here is one of my favorite old-school Michael Jackson songs. Check out the before and after. This video is Rock with You from 1979, after Michael's first nose job and before the chin and cheek implants that messed up all the natural angles of his face.

For his comeback, Michael should dust off his sequenced jumpsuit and get rid of all the Disney Prince and Sargent Pepper outfits.

Author's Note: This post was written before the untimely death of the King of Pop. Rest in peace, Michael. Click HERE to read all posts containing Michael Jackson. Includes sad and serious, funny and outrageous content before and after his passing.

Halloween: Celebrity Style

It's Halloween, y'all. Tis the season to be scary!

Some celebs have already kicked off the festivities. Here is a collection of random celebrities in their Halloween costumes.

Some celebs chose to dress as dead celebrities like the ever fabulous Katy Perry (above center) and her two buddies. She's dressed as the late Freddie Mercury from Queen. If you can't tell her friends (unknown) are dressed as late Rapper Tupac Shakur and the late Heath Ledger as the Joker.

Some chose to dress as other celebrities who may be dead soon (God forbid). Here's international supermodel turned soccer-mom Cindy Crawford as the rehab-needing singer Amy Winehouse, complete with strategically placed white powdery substance under her nose.



Some just got plain silly. Here's the MILF-tastic Gwen Stefani dressed as an egg. I guess it's more original than a slutty nurse costume.



Others are terrifying enough just being themselves. Honestly, who scares you more? A trick-or-treating Michael Jackson? Or John McCain?





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If I Only Had a Brain: Heather Locklear's DUI Edition

If Heather Locklear was needing to update her portfolio with a new 8x10 glossy, this was probably not the way to go about it.

Sammy Jo Carrington (for you little lambs out there, that's a Dynasty reference. Youtube it. You might learn something...) was arrested over the weekend on suspicion of driving under the influence. Meaning she wasn't drunk, but she was definitely whacked out of her mind.

She was "driving erratically" according to the California Highway Patrol. She was revving her engine loudly and repeatedly backing over a pair of sunglasses in the parking lot of the Montecito in Santa Barbara. Seriously! I'm not making this stuff up.

The fuzz arrested her, tested her for drugs and alcohol, and then released from custody. Probably, she was so tweaked out that they were afraid she'd try to attack them so they told her to scat. The police do that all the time right? Arrest someone they think is on drugs and then set them free before the test results come back. Oh, my mistake. They only do that in California... when it's a celebrity!

When I saw Miss Locklear's mugshot, it reminded me of Michael Jackson's mugshot, which reminds me of the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. Poor Scarecrow. He doesn't even know how he got drug into this mess.

I don't understand why rich celebrities get jacked up and then get behind the wheel! The next time you're tweaked out on your kid's ritalin, pixie stix, or whatever you use, call a cab or rent a limo to run over Richie Sambora's sunglasses in the parking lot!

Heather better call on Jesus before she goes so far off the deep end that she can't climb back out.

In honor of homegirl's brainless move, I'm dedicating this song to her from The Wizard of Oz. It's also for anyone else who gets behind the wheel while under the influence. It's just plain dumb.

"And the Two Shall Become One..."

Am I wrong or is Michael Jackson channeling Janice Dickinson in this photo?

This is what happens to people who have too much plastic surgery. They all begin to look alike.

It's really quite sad. Mikey used to rule the world, now he never even gets out of his pajamas. And he gets mistaken for an aging super model who has also journeyed down the way of the knife.

Speaking of too much plastic surgery. Much like forensic scientists did with Britney Spears, scientists have created a computer generated natural age progression of Mister Jackson had he not tried to turn himself in to a Disney cartoon.

Here's the "picture." What say you?

Happy 50th, Michael.

Secret Lovers

Can someone explain these two to me?

Samantha Ronson completely freaks me out. First of all, she' a lesbian. And not a fake "Hey look at me I'm kissing this girl at a party" lesbian, but a real "I haven't shaved my legs since I came out of the closet at 16" lesbian.

I don't get lesbianism. It confuses me. All that flannel and dime-store peroxide hair color... it's all too much to comprehend.

And what has SamRon done to Lindsay? Has she drugged her? What is the deal with her eyes? Is she under a spell? A love spell? If they're lovers why is it still a secret?

I'm not sure if they were made for each other or if they're slowly killing each other.

And finally who goes out in public dressed like that? They look like they just step out of a 1980's drag show where they starred as Cyndi Lauper and Micheal Jackson.

When I look at them I hear this song from the 80's playing in my head. Watch this remixed Pepsi commercial from back then.

What's Wrong with this Picture? Michael Jackson Edition

No that's not Howard Hughes back from the dead. It's Michael Jackson setting himself up for a comeback.

Mister Jackson and all three of his white kids (who he still claims are his biological children...craaaazy...but I digress), have moved to Las Vegas. The gloved masked one is in talks to develop his own Vegas show, much like Celine Dion had. Now that would be one crazy drag-show!



But wait, there's more...MJ is also in talks with New Kids on the Block to make an appearance in their comeback tour as well. Eeeeeeee! The twelve-year-old girl inside me just squealed with delight. But the grown man in me just shook his head in pity.

Seriously? But He Taped It! Allegedly, of course.

Holy crap! Are you kidding me? R. Kelly was acquitted of all 14 child pornography charges.

The Trapped in the Closet artist taped himself urinating on his naked 13-year-old god-daughter (according to prosecutors).

During the trial, 14 witnesses identified the female in the home-made sex tape as the then 13-year-old alleged victim. Included in the list of witnesses was a female granted immunity who confessed she was involved in a threesome with R. Kelly and the then 13-year-old alleged victim.

The only two people in the world who said the girl in the tape was not R. Kelly's then 13-year-old god-daughter, were the now grown alleged victim and Mister Kelly.

It's hard to convict a man of child porn, if the alleged victim claims it never happened.

Poor Michael Vick went to prison for being connected to a dog fighting operation, but R. Kelly goes home after a six year investigation and video-taped evidence featuring himself and the alleged victim. What is the world coming too?

The jury watched the tape which R. Kelly shot in his own bedroom! And still he got off scott free!

Seriously? Who was on the jury? The Jackson family?

Feel Good Fridays: Michael Jackson Edition

Do y'all remember Old-School Michael Jackson?

Before the skin bleach, before the chin implants, before the prosthetic nose, before the molestations... Back when he was the bomb, rather than his albums bombing???

Y'all remember that?

Above is young Michael in 1969 on Ed Sullivan. First nose, afro, and adorable as all get out.

I'm not old enough to remember everything about MJ's career first hand, but I'm old enough to have witnessed his decline into insanity.

Unlike Britney, who may actually recover from her insanity, there's pretty much no hope for Michael now.

Since Bunni Billingsley and I were recently reminiscing about the music of Black Michael, I decided to post some of his best videos from before he went insane.

All we can do now is remember the time...

Rock With You: 1979. Second nose, jheri curl, bedazzled spandex.


Billie Jean: 1982. Third nose, sideburns, high-waters and white socks.


Thriller: 1988. Forth nose, heavy makeup, french rolled jeans.

American Idol's Top Ten Got Talent

I haven't mentioned it much lately, but I am lovin' this season of American Idol.

In short, "it's off the hizzie fo' shizzie." (Which is translated: "it is good, indeed.")

I have ohhh-so-many favorites this season! Man-David, Boy-David, Aussie-Michael, Scary-Carly, Smiley-Brooke...

But two female singers stick out week after week as train-wrecks. Ramiele and Kristy Lee.

How come they are still on the show?

Ramiele yells her way through every performance, and Paula always compliments how "big" her voice is. Except one time when she sang a beautiful rendition of "In My Life" when she pulled back on the shouting and actually sang on key. But all three judges told her she was "boring." Whuuuuuh?

And poor Kristy Lee. Homegirl gets on my nerves. Who is voting for her? Probably a bunch of creepy men in their forties who go to their daughters' cheer leading practices to look at their daughters' friends in workout clothes.

Apart from those two, I am eating it up!

But I do have one more question: where are all the Nubian Queens?
I need me some more black girls!

Sure, there's Syesha. But she's kind of like FEMA. She does a lot of good stuff, but you just can't rely on her to come through when she's supposed to.

That all aside, the most rockingest performance from this week was definitely from Man-David. He did a funky-fresh rendition of Micheal Jackson's Billie Jean. (FYI: It's not original to him, it was first covered by Chris Cornell.)

For making Micheal Jackson sexy again, Man-David deserves a Nobel Prize!

We Got a Hot One Right Here!

Did y'all know American Idol genius Randy Jackson has his own dance-off show? I didn't either.

(Sorry, I still don't know the name of the show. Something like, Step Up and Dance for a Celebrity before America Looses Interest, or something.)

Pink Sheep of the Family enthusiast and BFF, Kirsten, sent me the most awesomest clip ever!

The clip is a routine from "Michael Jackson Night" when all the dance-groups were forced to revive MJ's music from the dead. Trust me, it's waaaaaay cooler than it sounds.

Personally, I have never got into any of the dancing shows. But if each group is as funky-fresh as this group, I could definitely get hooked.