Ellen Weds, Western Civilization Survives

Jerry Falwell is rolling over in his plus-sized grave. I'm sure his dying words were, "Whatever you do, promise me you'll see to it that Ellen Degenerate is never allowed to marry."

Well, it happened anyway. Thanks to California's Supreme Court decision that legalized same-gender marriage in the state. Ellen DeGeneres, 50, married the lesbionic love of her life Portia de Rossi, 35, on Saturday in a small ceremony at their home. Small meaning only 19 people including their families. No cameras.

Shoot, when I tie the knot, I want everybody there! Especially the paparazzi! I want Cher to officiate. I want 12 drag-queen bridesmaids and 12 pregnant men as groomsmen. I want to march down the aisle as Clay Aiken sings Unchained Melody. Then I want the whole thing uploaded to youtube.

It will be the biggest, gayest event in the history of the world! Sort of the way I expected Ellen's wedding to be. But that's the difference between gays and lesbians.

At any rate, I wish the DeGenereses the best. I'm especially happy for Portia. I'm not at all saying that Ellen is her Sugar-Momma. I don't know who asked whom. But her Ally McBeal money can't last forever, and Portia looks like one high-maintenance lesbian!

Holla, "We want prenup! We want prenup!"

Side note: Click HERE to read my serious article about the significance of marriage and the afore mentioned California Supreme Court decision.